Would any of you let your child marry as a teenager?

[Umm Nusaybah Hadiyah]

as salaamu alaikum,

My friends and i always discuss this issue,so i though i would bring it up here!

Please do comment! :mrgreen:

umm nusaybah [hijabisis]

[DiamondLady Mema-Eemah]

As Salaamu Alaikuum,

I would vote yes, only to avoid them doing something they may regret on the day of judgement.
I would of course take a few things into consideration though, like making sure the both of them were mentally ready for such a big step, if they were still in school...that they finish......that he, the husband to be, was gainfully employed........and which parents they were going to live with (considering of course what age they were).

A friend of mine allowed her teenage daughter (I think she was 15 yrs. old) to marry a 30(+) yr.old brother a few yrs. ago.....they put out an agreement that she wouldn't get pregnant until at least after she finished school, and that she attended college after graduation. Well things were going well at first, but then it fell apart......they are now divorced after only a few months of marriage.
There were alot of issues on the brothers side that my friends daughter just couldn't handle......like the fact that he lied about his first wife (he was suppose to be divorced from her way before they decided to marry), and that bought a BIG rift between the three of them......and there were many other things that came to a head as well.

Another friend of mine also agreed for her teenage daughter to marry an older man and they stayed together for quite a few yrs., but since she could not give him a child, he no longer wanted to stay married to her (there may have been other reasons as well, but I am not aware of them). He had two other wives also (I think at least one of them was a teenager and the other may have been in her 20's.....but I am not sure).

I don't know of one yet that has survived for many yrs., but that is not to say that it wouldn't. [sis] [desibro]
I just know that had my daughter wanted to marry at an early age, I would highly consider it.......wether it was doomed to fail or not.
I would not want her to be in a situation where fornication was high on the list. :oops:


Naimah (eemah1) [kitty]

[Umm Ibrahim]

Assalaamu alaikum,

I voted not sure. It would really depend on the circumstances and a lot of thought would need to go into from all sides to ensure that the best decision was being made and that it was not a rushed decision.

Nicola

[ummisa]

As Salaamu Alaikum

I voted yes. I would allow them to marry to prevent them from fornication.

I was married as a teenager. I was married at the age of 17, I was three months shy of 18. And it lasted for four years and I have two sons out of the marriage.

I remarried since then and had two more children.

I enjoyed being married. I was the ONLY senior in high school married but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Ma'Salaamah
Aaminah

[ummi2mybabies]

aoa sisters

what an intresting topic mashAllah i was married as a teenager too but it didnt work out . i think if i lived overseas it would have been a diffrent story i dont think most of the marriage of young people work in the states becuase guys have wandering eyes. many brothers are lieing to get married in the first place. my son who is almost 5 always talks about when he gets married how why i dont know. he sees that dh is very responsible and dh is his step father. he always says when he gets married he will be good to his wife like dh subhanAllah . his idea of marriage should happen in his story that he will marry in 4 years ;D and he wants 2 wifes a chunky one becuase she will be like mom and can cook good and a skinny one ;D i can never ever stop laughing when he talks this story . one day dh told him how will you support your wife he said i will go to work with you and dh said how you dont even want to learn your english alphabet how do you expect to work . ;D so we always get him to be quiet that way this story is so funny . oh my yabni .

i think if we are overseas definately i will let marry as teenager my daughter as soon as she finished school. my son i would make sure he had finished his college degree unless both of them were of the same age and had same goals to go to college and what not and i would help them both as much as i could. i think the times have changed alot when marriages with younger teens in usa would work out they usually dont. i know when i married in my lates 20's i was definately more mature and more ready for it then i was at 17 but i agree that every situation is diffrent and depends on the parties involved


i vote undecided because i dont think a marriage would last in states but it would overseas .

[umm_maryam]

Assalamu Aleikum Wa Rahmetullahi Wa Barakatuh

Dear sisters

I vote yes. I prefer my daughter to marry young. Nobody has a guarantee for his marriage succed or fail, and ALLAH knows best.
If she marry young, it will be more easy for her in this society we live in. But for sure i will check out the candidate very well ( with help of wali ). He should be her partner, soul mate, best friend and teacher in Islam. We don`t need a millionaire but i wish for her a pious GODfearing brother.

Wa Aleikum Salam Wa Rahmetullahi Wa Barakatuh

umm maryam [sis]

[umm adam]

I would definately if my sons asked to.

This is the best way to keep them away from fitnah.

I think the problem sometimes is that people get married too late because they have issues of being able to afford grand wedding etc,

Of course it goes without saying that the situation should be well thought out first, with regards to the partner, level of maturity etc.

[Ummi_to_Siraj]

AsalaamuAlaikum,

I voted Not Sure, but only because it depends on the circumstances. I know someone who married when she was 14 to her teacher who was at the time I believe in his 30's, and they have been married for over 10 years and have 3 children. They are very happy and sooo much in love, MashAllah. But also I don't feel like teens these days are mature enough to be married, so for me I would really have to feel that my teenager was mature enough to handle something so big, as well as the person who he chooses to marry.

Jehada

[ummi2mybabies]

aoa yes it agrees on the situation hey umm maryum youssef and maruym good match ehhh both are half egyptian ???? and youssef is almost 5 years her senior ????? heheheh what do u say ?

[umm_maryam]

[iagree] [ahlan] [iagree]

[mommyof4under5]

assalamu alikum,

i voted no, only bc i would want my daughters to marry someone closer to her own age (bc i feel like he would understand them better and be 'on their level and up with the times') , and that would mean that the man would have to finish college and have a decent stable job to support her and any children they have. its been really hard, and my hubby has been struggling with taking care of us, and finishing school. and it has taken him longer to finish school bc he has taken off so many semesters when i had children! so i wouldnt want that kind of pressure(financial and time) to take a toll on their marriage.


my husband and i got married a month after i turned 17 and almost 6 mos after he turned 21. lol i was in the 11th grade, and alhumdulilah, we have been married for 4 and a half years! with 4 children! :shock: im glad i didnt marry someone way older than me. i feel like my hubby and i have fun together! since we are only 4 years apart. i would feel uncomfortable being married to someone who was 10 yrs older. i would feel like i would have to be mature and not be silly! which i am at times! we are having our ups and downs now, but not about anything to severe! :wink: (and if it did get severe, i am very determined to work it out!) inshaAllah we will stay married our entire lives! i guess it takes some time to get used to eachothers differnces being that we were raised in differnt cultures, but inshaAllah, Allah and time will permit us to learn! and inshaAllah we will learn to pick and choose our battles instead of reeming into eachother over small, insignifigant things! ::) (hubby mostly on that!) :-\

[serenity101]

[slm]

I myself voted not sure. Even though I was a "child bride". I was 15 and my marraige lasted for over 20 + years. I don't regret it for one moment though. That union gave us 7 children whom are all adult now.

Perhaps if the circumstances would have been different we would have still been married today. And from what I hear, and I don't want to speak to soon, he is actually inquiring about me now through our eldest sons. This could be interesting to say the least. I will keep you posted.. :wink:

serenity101 [niqabisis]

[wlm]

[Lallipathi]

ASA..

I was 18 when I got married.. My hubby is 8 years older than I am, and MA we will be married 19 years this year!

I have an almost 18 year old daughter, and I cannot see her being married at this age..Why? Simply because she is not mature enough; I was more mature, and sensible than she is... Also I think teenagers nowadays are not ready for the committment of marriage; they are babies themselves. And then imagine that teenager having a baby the next year..nahhh...way too much ... Can they handle the pressures? No, I honestly do not think they can..

Divorce rates in the 'back home ' countries have risen significantly.. In Pakistan, it's very common to hear this one is divorced as well as this one..
Some have to do with early marriages; never worked out. Inter-family marriages, and the pressures of society..

Imagine my shock here in Dallas 2 years ago.. A friend was saying how her in laws were coming over the first time, but where to put them both."Lets put FIL in so and so's house and MIL in the sons house..
I asked "Why? Do u do niqab from your FIL?' She said" My inlaws HAD been married over 30 years, but since we got married, they decided to get divorced.." There I was opening my mouth like a goldfish..Apparently both parents had gotten married at an early age, HATED one another,and after the last child was married, and both THEIR sets of parents were deceased , decided they could now live their own separate, happy lives! They are now doing that.. :?:


Getting married young is simply not a piece of cake.. How many couples do we see who have an iota of respect for one another, for their families, for their in laws? Getting married does not also mean you married a single person, I believe it is a joining of 2 families..

I always pray Allah (swt) to keep our children away from all the fitnahs in this world..It is not just the USA, it is a worldwide epidemic..

asiddiqui .... I totally do not agree a marriage will last overseas.. You have the same old roaming eyes, adultery, alcohol, all the vices u can think of.. And then simple INCOMPATIBILITY... It is everywhere... My hubbys neice is getting married in Pak, to a guy who has been married to his cousin from age 18, now BOTH are 26..Hate one another, and alway have..His wife lived away from him , even though she has the family pressure, but their divorce is almost final now, and my hubbys neice will be the new wife..

I do not wish for an unhappy life for my children. I want them to be happy the way I am..Have a person who loves them unconditionally, will not hold their shortcomings against them.. Have a partnership where they will grow together, learn from one another.. I would love for my children to have someone where they will love Islam together, fear Allah together, and as one of the sisters posted "her partner, soul mate, best friend and teacher in Islam. We don`t need a millionaire but I wish for her a pious GODfearing son/daughter _ in law"

Thats my 2 cents on this topic..

Lallipathi

[Gerbila]

No way no how. They are still children at that age and don't have the maturity to know what the real world is like with all it's cares and responsibilites. At that age what kind of job will be enough to support them? McDonalds flipping burgers won't keep a couple going, much less when they're encouraged to reproduce as quickly as possible and then there's a baby to take care of too.

I was older when I got married, 34 to be exact but my husband was 44 at the time. We both knew the importance of paying bills and making sound life choices and having a sense of what the world was all about. If Ihad kids would I let/encourage them to get married while they're still children? NO WAY.

[DiamondLady Mema-Eemah]

LOLOLOLOL.......good for you Sis Serenity101.

You sound alittle "school girlish" there :mrgreen:.......if that is what you really want, then I say go for it, at least you know what he is all about.....I mean you spent over 20 yrs. with the man :wink:.
InshaAllah, this time around it will be even better for the two of you!!

Do keep us posted :D.


Naimah (eemah1) [kitty]

[REM]

Assalamu alaikum,

Of course I would allow my children to marry as teenagers. Be careful sisters, because to deny it can lead to zina and you wouldn't want that. It's not that you would allow any man/woman to marry your child under any circumstances just because they're teenagers, but if it was necessary then I'd much rather them marry as teenagers in a manner befitting a Muslim than follow the people with less moral character.

I know of a young brother who said to his parents I HAVE to get married when he was 18 or 19 :wink:. He wanted to marry a pious Muslimah. But his parents put many barriers before him and discouraged him from doing so. He ended up "engaged" to someone who wasn't really practising and it ultimately fell apart... but at what cost in the akhirah?

Be careful with your children and even if you can't follow something of the sunnah, never dislike it.

Here's a Q&A about it:

http://www.islamqa.com/index.php?ref=82724&ln=eng

He wants to get married but his mother is objecting to that because he is young

Question:
I am nineteen years old, and I want to get married, but my mother does not want me to because she thinks that this is not the time to get married. Is it permissible for a man in Islam to get married without his parents’ agreement and without telling them until things improve, in sha Allaah?.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is permissible for a man to get married without his parents’ agreement, unlike a woman, for whose marriage to be valid it is essential that her wali (guardian) agrees. But it is part of honouring one’s parents and treating them kindly to ask for their permission and seek their approval, because that is more likely to keep relationships with them harmonious.

Secondly:

You should explain to your mother how great your need for marriage is, and try to convince her and earn her approval. If she responds, then praise be to Allaah, but if she persists in her attitude, then there is no sin on you if you get married to the girl you want, if she is righteous and religiously-committed.

It is a common mistake for parents to refuse to let their children get married on the basis of studies or their being too young; they do not understand the problems suffered by young men at a time when temptation is widespread. Their refusal may lead to their children going astray and following a path of evil. Hence we advise fathers and mothers to help their sons and daughters to get married, and to make it easy and encourage them to do that, in obedience to the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for that will reduce his sexual energy.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5065) and Muslim (1400).

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about someone who wanted to get married but his parents refused. He replied:

With regard to this issue, we must offer two pieces of advice. Firstly, we advise your father who insisted on not allowing you to marry this woman whom you describe as being of good character and religiously committed. What he must do is allow you to marry her, unless he has a legitimate shar’i reason which he knows and can explain to you so as to put your mind at rest. He should weigh up this matter himself and imagine if his father had prevented him from marrying a woman whose religious commitment and character he liked, would he not regard that as a disgrace and restriction of his freedom? If he would not like his father to do that to him, then how can he agree to do that to his son? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one of you truly believes until he likes for his brother what he likes for himself.”

It is not permissible for your father to prevent you from getting married to this woman with no legitimate shar’i reason. If there is a legitimate shar’i reason, then let him explain it to you so that you will understand.

And our advice to you is: if you can find another woman instead of this woman, and please your father and maintain a harmonious relationship with the family, then do so.

But if you cannot do that because your heart is attached to her, and you are afraid that if you propose to another woman that your father will prevent you from marrying her too – because some people may feel jealous even towards their children and prevent them from doing what they want – then I say: if you are afraid of that and you cannot do without this woman to whom your heart is attached, then there is no sin on you if you marry her, even if your parents object. Perhaps after you get married he will accept what has happened and what is in his heart will go away. We ask Allaah to decree for you that which is best for you.

End quote from Fataawa Islamiyyah (4/193)

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

[serenity101]

Assalmau alaikum....

Sis eemah1, :mrgreen:

A very wise person.... and I do not know who... :mrgreen: ....once said

" there may be snow on the roof....but there is still fire in the furnace"


:-\

serenity101

masalaams

[DiamondLady Mema-Eemah]

LOLOLOLOLOL.......Oooo-Kayyyyy!!! [woohoo]

That is what I'm trying to say :mrgreen:.


Naimah (eemah1) [kitty]

[amalie07]

I'm not sure. It would depend on the situation and if it is avoidable or not. In a perfect world (well, my imaginary world, anyway) my daughter would finish school, go to University, get a degree, THEN contemplate marriage. It's always a wise idea for a girl to have something to fall back on should the need arise.

So, my answer over-all is no, I would'nt allow my daugter to marry as a teen, BUT , if it were the sort of situation where I found she had met someone and was adamant, then the decision would no longer be in my hands.

[Zainab85]

Yes I would.

I had my Nikah at 14 years old. My husband was 19 at the time. We didn't actually get married/live together until I was 17. I'm 22 now and alhamdulillah have 2 kids and still going strong :)

[Samar]

Zainab, so young :shock:

I got married 2wks after I turned 18. DH was 28. We'll be hitting the 5 year mark in June InshAllah :D

As to whether I will allow my kids to marry as a teen, I will probably discourage it unless the potential spouse is closer in age and cultural background. Piousness is a must.

DH and I are 10 years apart and from 2 totally different backgrounds. We fight so much and I don't want my kids to have to deal with all that and have regrets down the road.

[nabbu]

I voted 'yes'.

I myself was engaged when I was 16 and married when I was 17. Alhamdulilah I was blessed with a baby when I was 18. I wouldn't want it any other way, and when time comes, if I feel that if my children are mature enough to handle married life, I would want them to marry young too. Having said that, at this point in time, I'd prefer my son (insha'Allah if I have one in future) to marry once he's financially independent, but if at that time, he feels the need to be married earlier in order to avoid haram then I'd let him do it.
Right now it's easier for me to say this with such certainity, but I know that as the years go by there's always going to be the need to assess every situation individually. In this day and age the fitnah is widespread subhan'Allah and I don't see it reducing over the years.
Wallaahu Alam!

[Razzanah]

[smilie=111281salams.gif] Sisters I would have to say yes I would allow mt daughter to marry at sixteen .My daughter is sixteen and she asked me if I would allow her to have sit downs my first responce was no but i had to ask my self this question I was only 14 years old when I got pregnant with her on my second pregnancy at that and I was very curious about sex so i really dont want her to have a haram child and commit zeniah when she can have halal baby through marriage . So my answer is yes I will allow my daughter to marry when she feels fit InshaAllah. [smilie=243221icon_lol.gif]

[nasimaelghazi]

my daughter got married at 18 and i thought it was too early,,but they have been married almost 2 yrs now,,,

[SHAIKHA]

Assalamu'alaikum ya Ukht,

I voted not sure...

Personally, I prefer them not to marry as teenagers... however, if the matter does arise, I think.. I will give my blessings if my daughter (if I hv any, InsyaAllah) to marry after 17 yrs of age. [smilie=lei.gif]

But for my sons ?.... I don't think so.
Being a husband comes with Big responsbilities... can he prepare himself at that age ?... his Iman, Taqwa - he will be the Imam in his house,.. can he lead his wife and children while he himself is a teenager ?
Will he be prepared enough ? Mentally, spiritually, monetary ?... Can he support his family ?... [smilie=rolleyes.gif]

Wallahu-alam, maybe it is possible in other parts of the world... but in Singapore !!.. Nope, I don't think that's wise.

However, with all other things - if this is the only way for us to avoid being 'shubaha' in him committing sins - then Lillahita'ala.. I will istiharah, lots & lots of doa.. and give him my support... [smilie=ring.gif]

JazakAllah khair...

[UmmRuwaidah]

Salaamu Alaykum yaa Akhaawatee!
Marriage at a young age and struggling is way better than the sin of fornication any day!

[bluesky]

[smilie=111281salams.gif]

Yep, sis UmmRuwaidah, I'm with you on this one. Alhamdulillah, I have 2 of each, son's and daughter's. I think for me, the criteria for marriage has to be about their personal development rather than any other facter, first and foremost. If I feel, that they can work toward's finacial, mental and emotional maturity, whilst adhering to the principle's of modesty, then that's fine. If however, I feel that they cannot, then yes, marriage would certainly be an option for them, even at an early age. Having said that, late teen's is the age I reckon my kid's will be old enough to handle marriage but still young enough to not stray.

Of course only Allah swt truly know's what will happen and I guess like sis nabbu that each situation has to be assessed, individually and periodically.

[bluesky]

Loooool, having said all that though, I should mention that all six of my brother's and sisters, (myslef included) got married in our early, to mid, to late twentie's!

Alhamdulillah we had a very strong background as far as modesty and behaviour with the opposite gender was concerned and non of us strayed, mash'Allah before or after marriage (my 3 brothers too). Insha'Allah that is how I would want it ideally, for my babies.

[bunny]

Ummi_to_Siraj, the couple u mentioned sounds like someone i know, except the girl was 16 and married her teacher. they are such a beautiful couple mashaAllah and so happy.

I voted yes b/c in Islam, we are encouraged to marry young. I hope to raise my children to be mature and to let them know that we will be looking for a spouse for them early on and prepare them mentally. I wouldn't want to marry them in their early teens though, but later teen years. I have a friend who wants to marry her son off when he's 18 inshaAllah (he's just a baby right now) and I find that admirable. Again, it will really depend on the child and their preferences and also if we're able to find a suitable partner for them.

[aishamommy]

[smilie=111281salams.gif]

I voted yes because if she asks she is ready I was 16 when I got married and divorced at 23 but I was not muslim when I married and our marriage had too a huge strain with everything changing. but i would have to account for that if she went and got a boyfriend astigfurallah when she asked me to help her lower her gaze. I would perfer her marry someone young like her and even stay with us or his parents until they were ready to move out.

Aishah

[LaylahH]

I say yes. My 2 oldest boys are almost 16 and 13 1/2. I would much rather them to marry early than to be running around having sex unmarried.

[Leihalaa]

[smilie=111281salams.gif] ,

I voted no. My mother and grandmother and greatgrand mother were teen mothers and all had long and hurtful marriages. I my self had waited until i was 29 and this was the best choice i made if i had married my childhood sweetheart I could see us divorce today. I would never have married my dh or found out about Islam.
I rather have a child learn about them self and learn how to take care of themself then let them get married and everyone is still taking care of them.

aloha leila

[dinah]

is a huge major life changed.....often times do not have decent real job at this phrase of life. my son was 18 when he made a girl pregnant so they are married and quite young and now on child number two. Its their life so no way of telling but to pray they do better than I expected as I felt like a child bride at 21. he was 23 and so unstable as he was very sucessful welder for the US army as somehow the money made him mad and out of control and thought nothing about his wife and kids. beyond belief as some ppl never grow up no matter what age.

[ladynhijab]

i voted unsure...because it would depend at what age they wished to be married & the circumstances that they would be married in..

i think i would prefer my sons waited until they were through with at least 2 years of college just because boys mature slower than girls..

but my daughters i guess it would be okay as long as i was sure that she wanted to be married and would finish up high school..i think education is so important