how do you discipline your child

[ummi2mybabies]

aoa sisters i was wondering how all of you disciplined your child

time out, spanking if needed, taking things away .

in this day and age children are becomming more and more rebellious . i know when i was a kid the whole you cant spank your child law was comming into play and it destroyed alot of families. parents were scared to discipline thus we have gangs , drug dealing, boyfriend girlfriend. teen pregnancy , i can go on and on and yes this does effect our muslim children as well becuase they take examples from other kids. subhnaALlah i remember being outside the masjid looking for parking one day and some younger muslim teens were playing i never heard a mouth so filthy as theirs even with american non muslim kids everything was a swear word i wanted to wash their mouth out with soap. it was disgusting to hear them talk like that at the masjid

i have heard stories of foriegn born parents and the kids were born and raised here calling the cops becuase mom and dad didnt let them have a boy friend or girl friend or parents spanked them it destoryed the family the authorities investigated more becuase the whole 9 11 thing so they took their kids and placed them in christian foster homes.
( we do not have enough muslim foster parents in the need there really was abuse going on )

this happened to a dear and close friend of mine the state where she lives is anti muslim and i dont want to go into long details but its a shame we cant even discipline our kids but yet you hear stories of kids attacking their parents physically what is this
and when the child goes in front of a judge because they broke the law who gets blamed the parents ?/

i will tell you what in my rebellious teen years my dad told me i couldnt go visit my best friend and my mom said i could i thought i was slick and jumped out my bedroom window ( this friend was a female ) my dad found out took him 2 hours to chase me i thought i would till my mom came back becuase i knew would be in trouble . well my dad caught me he gave me one good whack with the belt and i threatened o call the police on him for child abuse he told me go ahead and handed me the phone he said what about parental abuse what youdo to me . he said if i go to jail becuase your nonsense and i spanked you fine but you will know what child abuse is when i get out .
that was the first and last time my dad ever spanked me and you know what it worked. i read the sisters posts here where her teens are out of control dont we think for a second that if we had more capabilities to make our children listen not meccasarily spanking them but taking things away and what not the kids wouldnt be acting this way /. i dont know but i know i take youssef toys away and put him on time out . and it seems to help Allah aalam .

[Umm Nusaybah Hadiyah]

as salaamu alaikum,

i do...Take away and time out. I try to stay away from spanking unless it is really needed.

umm nusaybah [hijabisis]

[Ummi_to_Siraj]

AsalaamuAlaikum,

I didn't vote because I do all of the above, not at the same time, but depending upon the situation/offense. Like this morning I did the "take away" because he kept throwing his cars, so I gave him a warning and then took them away when he didn't stop. But last night he got a spanking on the hand because he decided to throw his food all over the room because he didn't want it, so really it's whatever is needed at the time to get the message across to him.

My nephew tried that calling the police stuff on my sister when he was younger because he had heard of kids doing that to their parents, and it wasn't for anything major, he was just being a brat because he didn't want to do something she had told him to do. Well, he never did it again after "auntie" heard about it. I didn't hit him, but he got a pretty bad talk involving much screaming and threats from me. I just do not believe in children trying to involve the police for simple punishments that we all received from our parents. Now if it was for child abuse that is something else, but not for the average spanking.

I really feel that children are too spoiled nowdays and I think that part of it has to do with outside forces interfering in the disciplining of the children by their own parents. Outside forces didn't interfere in my mother disciplining me and my siblings and we all turned out to be respectful adults.

Jehada

[umm adam]

I think kids are also more spoilt these days because our society is alot more materialistic, so much so that it is impossible to get away from the affects of it....

[ummisa]

As Salaamu Alaiki

I do all the above. However, with my two older children, I don't have to spank them. I usually per them on punishment or take away something. With my almost two year old daughter, basically, alot of PATIENCE.

wa'salaam
aaminah

[Halimah]

Asalaamu alaikum,

I also didn't vote, because I do all of the above. Usually I don't even have to do anything, except to tell them to stop doing whatever it is they are doing. Other than that, for punishment I usually do the taking things away. Very rarely do I have to spank them! Alhumdilillah!

Heather [hotpinkhijabi]

[DiamondLady Mema-Eemah]

I voted "taking things away"......not that that works all the time, but being that my son is 18 (but with a mentality of a 7 - 9 yr. old), I find I have to deal with him in that manner.


Naimah (eemah1) [kitty]

[virginiamama]

A'salaam Alaykium

I did not vote cause we do all 3 things and depending on the situation in in that order and spanking is always a last option.

[mush]

assalamu alikum

i do all three too..but more of the time out ..my son really hates it..he is 3.5 and now he screams whenever he gets a timeout.

in a month..i guess he wud get 2-3 spanking sometimes..i try to avoid..but i think its necessary at times.
sometimes i feel 'spare the rod,spoil the child' could be very true.

i think most of the problms are cos the child is jst not scared of anything..and its a scary world out there..i have 2 boys..and i get nightmares now itself of how they will turn out!

i just hope they turn out good muslims insha allah...!

[umm_maryam]

I vote taking things away. My daughter is 1 and its the only thing she understand in the moment. Time outs will come later. I don`t like spanking, but i did when she goes to the electric and try to play with the cable. For me , spanking is the very last punishment and just use it when it come to dangerous behaviour. This is my personal opinion. But beside this, i totally agree with sis assidiquis post about the weakness of our society. For the very same reason a dear friend of mine made hijra yesterday to jordania. She don`t wanna her kids grow up here. And the british husband and father totally agree.

[bluesky]

AOA sisters,

I grew up in a household where violence was used as punishment for everything. I vowed, when my first 2 children were born that I would never strike them. However it seems to be absolutely true: that all we know about parenting, is what our parents taught us... I found myself, 'spanking' my children more and more, for every little thing that I felt I couldn't control.

So..., I then decided I needed help, I didn't know how to be a different kind of parent to what my own parents had been. Now don't get me wrong, there were parenting skills that my parents had that I wouldn't change for anything, obviously they did something right, 'cos all 6 of their kids, turned out alright, alhamdulillah. It was the violence though, I think it was that, that didn't work, what did work was my parents, loving and communicating skills.

Anyway, I got a hold of a few books and mash'Allah, I haven't looked back since. I have 4 children and nowadays, I very rarely, if ever spank them. Taking things away, grounding them and just explaining/showing that their actions and behaviour have consequences, which they have to take responsiblity for, is what works. For example, one of the sisters mentioned that her child threw the food all over the room, one of my kids did that once, I didn't spank him, I made him clean it all up,(so what if he was only a toddler?!), then I gave him time out. Alhamdulillah, it worked absolutely brilliantly!

I agree with one of the other sisters that society is way too materialistic. I recently took my children abroad because I wanted them to see how the other half of the world lives. I try to talk to my children all the time about how lucky they are mash'Allah. Don't get me wrong, they still get treats and luxurories (spell?) but in this household, they have to earn them.

Mash'Allah I pray everyday, I feel so lucky, I have 4 beautiful children, a husband who is the kind of man I always wanted and all this is mine not because I am such a smart, cool person but because Allah swt wills it. I try to teach my kids that, only Allah swt can really truly control everything. I think we just have to do our best and leave the rest to God, only Allah can protect us and our children from the evils of this world. My mother prays fervently to this day, she had always prayed, ever since I can remember, my father has acknowledged it, my brother had acknowledged it and now I acknowledge it too, maybe it is her steadfast prayers and iman that has seen our family come through, stronger mash'Allah. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah for sabr and belief.

[ummabdullah]

Assalamu alaykum sisters,
i have two very, very, very, very (sorry ;D ) very active boys here!!!!!!
Mash'Allah.
For us the naughty step, or naughty spot works a treat!
My kids fear the naughty spot. They never want to be in time out as you can imagine....they are very active and it is a real punishment to stay sitting for sometime.
My 7 years old will sit for 7 minutes and my 4 years old will sit for 4 minutes.
It is a good discipline for them and it is in the sunnah of pRophet Muhammad [saw] to sit when angry or laid down.
Insh'Allah that helps.
BTW I use the same procedure when we are outside.
Wa alaykum assalam
Ayesha [hijabisis]

[UmmRuwaidah]

Salaamu Alaykum
I sometimes do all the above. I am really trying hard not to spank but when all else fells. [smilie=ninja.gif]

[Leihalaa]

[smilie=111281salams.gif] ,

I don't take things away but i do time out and sometimes spanking.
I have 2 active boys and they love time out they think time out is a break from everyone else they even remind us that in time out no one is allowed to talk to them.

I came from a household that believe in baboo sticks or even the switch from a tree hangers ect when we were little my mother could scare a grown man with just a soft whisper as we got older even today when my mother is angry i stay out of her way.

aloha leila

[Humayraa]

[smilie=282salam.gif] ya akhawaat,

Here's a link to a fatwaa I had posted some time ago...

Ruling on Hitting Children by Shaykh Muhammad Naasir Ad-Deen Al-Albaani

http://muslimmomscafe.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=2523