Counting to three

[Teresa]

Do you find yourself "counting" before you expect your child to mind? I know that a lot of mothers find themselve counting to three to give the child the time to respond to a command.

I used to think this was a good idea in case my child didn't hear or understand the request. But, I changed my tune after Shaun was born and he ignored even the counting. He was just waiting for me to get to "3" because he knew he wouldn't be punished until then. He was very surprised when I quit counting and started responding to his behaviors immediately. I might make sure I had his attention before I voiced my request or made sure he heard and understood - but I didn't count.

When Amy was about three, if I had still been a counting mother she would have paid for it with her life. She nearly stepped out in front of a delivery truck that was going too fast down the street. I yelled for her to stop where she was and she obeyed instead of waiting to see if I was going to say "1, 2, 3!"

I told Amy to not count with Isaiah and shared that story with her. I said their immediate obedience may be the difference between getting hurt (or worse) and not. She decided that counting was maybe not such a good idea after all and told the daycare she didn't want counting for Isaiah. If he's disobedient, his consequences are immediate.

So, what do you think?

[bluesky]

I'm having problems with that Teresa. On the one hand, I know exactly what you mean. My boy does exactly the same thing. He will wait for '3' before he acts. On the other hand, I want to give him a chance to respond before I punish him. The things about that is, I tend to blow up sometimes and I want to give myself time to 'calm down'.

I was having real problems with them a while back, especially when it came to, 'do as I say, immediately'. For exactly the same reason's as you mentioned, with the story of your daughter. Sometimes, for their own safety they need to respond immediately. I have a tone, these days and they know it means business. One of my boy's had a horrible habbit of just running everywhere. Much as I try to control him and keep him with me at all times, I realized that sometimes, you just have to let them know that you mean business. So until they got the message, I would turn back home if they didn't listen. I did also explain to them, that it was for their own safety. (I gave them examples).

Mash'Allah it seems to be working, the tone which means 'obey!' (the your- in- danger type), or the counting which means ' you'd better -or else!' (you are going to get punished type). It works because with the 'tone', they know that they don't have a choice but with the counting, even if they don't listen, they know that they made that choice so have to face the consequences.

Lol, does that make sense?

[umm_maryam]

My Maryam is still small, but i use it sometimes. Not for serious stuff, more like a play. Before she understand the counting , she must understand what is three. What we are doing meanwhile is I give her time to respond in less important matters. But when it comes to security, i raise my voice first, than scream. With her 14 month she understand that when mommy has a loud voice, it is better for her to stop. I don`t wanna her to obey blindly. I wanna respect and her to understand why she should not to do something.

[Teresa]

True, very good points. I guess I neglected to say that I make sure Isaiah hears and understands the request - and then if he continues to disobey he gets immediate time out or loss of privileges.

We have the "right now" comment that we add to stuff when it's really important. He says, "right now?" like it's an option. LOL!

[Humayraa]

LOL @ Isiah...aww that's cute.

I'm not familiar with the counting to three. My parents never used it and I don't recall seeing it anywhere else either.

[Teresa]

It's like this...

"Isaiah, you need to put up your toys for dinner." (Isaiah continues to play witht his toys). "Isaiah, did you hear me say it's time for dinner? Put up your toys." (Isaiah continues to play.) "Isaiah, I'm going to count to three and if you're not moving by then you won't be able to play with your toys later. 1......2.....(Isaiah starts putting up toys)...3 - OK, that's good. Thank you for picking up."

Not counting.... "Isaiah, you need to put up your toys for dinner." (Isaiah continues to play.) "Isaiah, did you hear me say it's time for dinner? Put up your toys." (Isaiah says, "OK" and continues to play.) "Isaiah if you don't put up toys right now you won't be able to play with them tomorrow." (Isaiah says, "right now?" and starts picking up toys.)

[Humayraa]

Thanks for the explanation Teresa.

I must say that Isaiah sure has a cute way of being naughty, lol.

I'll keep this counting method in mind. I really don't wanna hit my children so this is one of the alternative methods which I'm willing to implore if need be. Thanks again.

[Umm Ahmad]

Very interesting indeed !! Thanks Teresa for letting us in into ur personal experience .....u know JUST 4 days ago i had started using the 1-2-3 counting bit on Ahmad & he thinks it's just a joke !! I guess since i've recnetly taught him the numbers , i guess he beleives mommy is just trying to make him count after 3, so he just gives a VERY cheeky grin & i'm STUMPED......but just to make sure he knows i ain't fooling around, i abruptly leave off whatever i'm doing & approach him & it's this APPROACHING bit which works like magic....no counting or anything.
Now here's MY problem with my little one..........when i ask him to do something ( minus the counting bit ) he says 'o.k momy' & then i'll ask him again & again he'll say 'o.K momy' BUT his tone starts increasing along with mine all the while he's till playing with his stuff.....& when i really kinda shout at him to do as i say , he shouts back saying 'OKAAAAYYYYY" & will just gv me a look that says "duh momy what are ya stooopid !" [smilie=16icon_eek.gif] but won't budge fr. his place & again it's just the approaching bit which scares him, but i'm NOT AT ALL confortable with this , b/cs the only step that follows it is smacking !
What do i do ??

[Umm Yehiya]

i count to 5 - the first few numbers, he's just catching on what's about to happen [smilie=23icon_mrgreen.gif]

[DiamondLady Mema-Eemah]

I don't count to three 'per say'.....but I do seek refuge in ALLAH three times in order to calm myself down [smilie=12biggrin.gif].


Naimah (eemah1) [smilie=kitty.gif]

[DiamondLady Mema-Eemah]

I tried doing the "count to three" thing with my lil niece & she just started counting right along with me...... [smilie=243221icon_lol.gif], so that was a done deal.........plan B!!!


Naimah (eemah1) [smilie=kitty.gif]

[LoveIslam]

[smilie=111281salams.gif]

I count to three, very seldomly so my baby understands that it is time he MUST listen. Or it gives him a little alert that he has to listen. It works and it seems my child likes it cause he becomes happy when he has listened after three. Funny thing is that now he counts to three with me! lol

When he want me to absolutly listen to him he counts to three..it hilarious.

[umm_maryam]

When he want me to absolutly listen to him he counts to three..it hilarious.

Masha ALLAH sis Narmi, that is to cute!

[SHAIKHA]

Assalamu'alaikum ya Ukht,

I can't remember I ever use them on Zaid yet... I'm sure that if I do them to him now, he will start to count to 20 like he always do now, LOL !! [smilie=math.gif]

But I think in time to come, I will use them... it's sort of a habit - I've used them on my nieces & nephews before. But it's not just 1,2... 3 !! It's more like "1.........2..........2 and a half............2 and three quarter...........3 coming............coming.............quick........ ...no more chance........last chance............ THREE !!!!" [smilie=scholar.gif]

Alhamdullillah, Zaid reponds very fast when I said "La' Zaid" (No Zaid)... or "Aaahh..aah...aah !".... he will stop, give me that simpathetic look and say "Peezzz Mama.........peezzzzzzzzzzzz........." [smilie=smack.gif]

But really I voted, sometimes.... coz I think desperate measures call for immediate action... and all situations calls for different reaction...
Wallahu-alam.

JazakAllah khair...

[UmmRuwaidah]

Alhamdulillah i count to 10 but it's starting not to be as affective any more. maybe i should start counting to 3 because i see a nonchalant
attitude until i get to 8 and here lately i'm speed counting to 10 lol.

[Ummi_to_Siraj]

[smilie=111281salams.gif]

I don't count to three but I count backwards from 5. He knows that once I start counting he'd better start moving by the time I get to one or there will be trouble, lol. I used to count a couple of times to give him a chance to get it together, now most of the time I just tell him that I'm going to start counting and he starts to get it together.

Jehada

[Dinni]

Salam sisters,

I think this method is common here in America, I have been living all across the globe and only come across parents doing the counting rules in America.
I used to do this to my children, it worked with my oldest, she immediately obey me before I reached the number 2.
With my youngest the same too, until my oldest started to continue the counting.
Here an example:
Me: Kina, you need to come right here this instant!
Kina: ..............Not responding.
Me: Kinaaaaaa...One..
This is when my oldest come in and start counting and giggling..
Anna : Two...Three...Four....
then they both started laughing...the good thing is that she's walking towards my direction, so she is obeying me at the end.
Alhamdullilah I dont use that method anymore, they pretty much do what I ask them to do...perhaps they grow out of that rebelling stage??? Wallahualam..

[Humayraa]

Bumping this thread for the new sisters.

[Azmeerah4Islam]

Salaams sisters,

This sort of works with Anylah but only in small circumstances.
Since Im the disciplinarian (the husband has no heart for it AT ALL lol ) she usually knows i mean business.
But ive seen dh be like Anylah its time for dinner put the game away and ten mins later hell be counting to three reallllllly slow lol [smilie=243221icon_lol.gif] and shell be still playing the game laughing at him.
But somehow I think this is a stage though, when she was younger this method worked better [smilie=13confused.gif]