MEN--Do You Want To Allow Them On The Forum?

[MuslimMomsCafe]

Salaam Aleikum Sisters,

It seems that there are men who are interested in being in our forum. I have been banning them all this time. But I wondered how you all feel about it. Do you think we should ban them to keep this place for Women Only or Do you think they should be allowed to stay here and ask questions or learn something.

What would make you more comfortable??

I will leave the decision to the majority. So Speak UP!! This is your forum. This is your chance to say what you would like to happen.

Thank you!

[REM]

Assalamu alaikum,

I voted no, because this forum is Muslim Moms' Cafe. If they are interested in joining an Islamic parenting forum, there are other places that they can join and ask whatever questions they have.

I feel that most sisters would have joined here with the understanding that it is for sisters and their posts and discussions would reflect this comfort amongst sisters.

In all honesty, it doesn't really bother me either way because I don't think the men hang around anyway as women's chatter tends to scare them off :P . But I think the name of this forum makes it a place where the only men who lurk may be ones who have other intentions, if you get what I mean.

Would you join a forum called Muslim Dads' Cafe? I know I wouldn't because it wouldn't seem right.

Rachel

[DiamondLady Mema-Eemah]

As Salaamu Alaikuum......it goes without saying, "THIS IS A SISTERS FORUM [sis] , NOT A BROTHERS FORUM" [sudanibro] .......

is there anything that we can have for ourselves without the "brothers" being involved.

There are sisters on here that may present some sensitive questions & concerns and they may not want a "brother" to know about it [shhh] .....that's what makes this Forum so special, because we should feel that we can express ourselves without the uncomfortable feeling of knowing that a MAN is present and veiwing what we wrote. .........and for those "MEN" that are here under a woman's name, then you have to deal wtih ALLAH (swt) with that!!!!!!!



Naimah (eemah1)

[fourstars]

Assalam alaikum Sisters:

Hope all of you are fine and doing well.InshaAllah.Sorry for not being around for a while........had my polypectomy recently and was taking things easy.

Anyways now to the question........should men be allowed here on this forum? Well my answer would be a NO. To be honest with you I joined this forum only because it is an all girls place............. a very comfortable place.Alhamdulilah.

Wassalam,
Umm Harith

[*Noor*]

As-salaamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,

Al-hamdu lillah

Let the men have Muslim Men's Cafe and leave us alone! I am absolutely shocked that this question would even be taken under consideration. What kind of pious Muslim man would even want to mix with Muslim women under any circumstances, or women with men for that matter?!?! Scary, very scary!!! :o :o
Well I guess I spoke up. [bigblush]

Was-salaam,
Noor [hijabisis]

[Magda]

In the Name of the One...

Although I see the majority has voted against allowing male participation (I can see the reasoning... it is the MOM's cafe, as my husband pointed out when I asked him whether he would like to be a part of it), I have to say that I would vote for it.

Let us just try to be positive about the 'male race' for a second, and assume that whatever man would be daring (and involved) enough to wish to enter a MOM’s café would be doing so in order to gain from such a beneficial service (perhaps I’m being so positive because I’ve been BLESSED as to not have run across examples of men that would want to use admission into a mom’s forum for negative reasons?).

Anyhow, I find myself often running across examples in which women are disallowed from inclusion into some male elite club. I don’t like this. Now I can’t imagine men would care too much if their exclusion from this forum would be brought to their attention. Nor do I believe that many men would actually sign up. But I would hope that I could consider myself a bit more egalitarian than the elitists and say that all people should be allowed the opportunity to benefit from this forum (does that sound a bit cliché?)

After all, many of us (women) do complain that our spouses are not as involved as they should be; why not allow them to be more involved? And what about the single dad’s out there? I’m sure they, along with the other men, could join in a conversation and share some bit of wisdom that the male race may in fact hold. ;)

And for those who would have the audacity to join the forum for reasons other than to do good, they would be subject to the same rules we are. They first have to get through the standard intro, that I’m sure would include an explanation as to their reasons for joining. And thereafter they would be subject to the 5 post rule… or be kicked off!

I’m sure I’ll be the odd ball here, but at least this’ll give you something to think about (inshallah?) And anyway… couldn’t guys just join under the anonymity of a female pseudonym?

Love and Peace to all,
Magdalenna

[nazia06]

no lets just keep it 4 us ladys

[Umm Sayfullah]

Assalam alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
I can't believe this question even came up, as muslims sisters we are
not allowed to mix with men, if men do come here am sorry to say i
will leave.
Wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh Umm Safiyyah

[REM]

But I would hope that I could consider myself a bit more egalitarian than the elitists and say that all people should be allowed the opportunity to benefit from this forum (does that sound a bit cliché?)

I don't think it's a question of being elitist though. I think it's a reality that Muslim women like to offer each other support, especially in issues related to parenting, without having to worry about whether men are present on the forum or not.

Definitely it's true that men can access the forum under any user name and how would you know? Anyone can introduce themselves as female even when they're not.

In another forum I'm on, we have a specific sisters section where only people who have posted more than 75 posts can post things which are of a more sensitive nature. So I suspect that might be an idea here too (if it doesn't already exist :wink: ) so that issues that are particularly sensitive can be posted there.

But the absence of men on this forum is a bit of a blessing :P . Not because men are so horrible, but because then we can talk and support each other in a true sense of sisterhood for the sake of the reward of Allah (s.w.t.) alone.

But even if you read the spiel beneath the heading it says "The only online community devoted to connecting Muslim Moms!" (which isn't actually true by the way :lol: ). To serve its purpose men can't be allowed :D .

Wassalamu alaikum

[Ummi_to_Siraj]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I would definitely have to vote NO! I don't socialize with men anywhere and I would not like to start here. I would not feel comfortable sharing my feelings and thoughts about certain things if I knew that men were reading them. And honestly I am irritated just thinking about this subject. Why can't men just let us have our own space without butting in? The site is called Muslim MOMS Cafe, so why would they even consider joining? Really, in my opinion, if a man wants to join a Muslim MOMS Cafe, something is not right. It just doesn't make any sense to me. What kind of man wants to join an ALL FEMALE discussion group?

MaSalaama,
Jehada

[ramina]

I'm going to have to vote no. There are plenty of other forums where the men are allowed. Let us have this for ourselves.

[Umm Ibrahim]

Assalaamu alaikum


I voted no, because this forum is Muslim Moms' Cafe...
Would you join a forum called Muslim Dads' Cafe? I know I wouldn't because it wouldn't seem right.

LOL, exactly!

I voted NO also.

Nicola

[Iman]

Nah...

[ummu Ilyas]

Likewise i vote NOOOOOOOOOOOO to.

[serenity101]

[slm] ,

Nope... Nawwww, NO a resounding no... Nien.. etc...

I love being part of this all women, muslim moms cafe. I must say I would not be comfortable with that at all. Please keep this a all womens cafe.
They have plenty of places to go and besides, I think it wil start some problems sooner than later.

Sister, I look at this as a muslims womens refuge, sort of like a shelter for muslim women. A place of encouragement when needed. Love compassion and hugs as booster shots. Company for the lonely. All the things us sisters need to make some sense out of all the things we go through. We have so many issuses to deal with and to be constantly told basically put up or shut up, stop whining, you should ask you husband and not put it out there on here, this or that. etc. Many sisters already get that at home. This is a sisters comfort zone that you are thinking of disrupting.

This is a place of tranquility and I believe whole heartedly that this is a huge mistake.

So again I say Vote NO to allowing any men in the muslim womans Cafe

I need a [bebzi]

Serenity101

[niqabisis]

[Fajr4]

salam alaykum wa rahmatullah
nahhhh
seriously tho, no.
i say we create a muslim dad's cafe then give them that to manage and such. we dont mind if they ask questions but they can use their wives/sisters/moms to ask questions innie?
plus, have yu read all the topics here? do you really want men shoofing what we talk about? i dont.
i dont mind them wanting to know how to be better dads and husbands but we talk about so much more than that here...
ok... khalas, no it is insha'allah
fajr

[ummabdullah]

Assalamu alaykum sisters,
I voted NO! But it would be a nice idea if you could open a forum within this forum for Men only where women are not allowed.
I saw this formula in Islam channel Forum. You could do that so that men can participate too in their own debate.
Sorry if someone else had the same idea, didn't read the other replies yet .
[hijabisis]
Wa alaykum assalam
Ayesha

[umm_maryam]

Assalamu Aleikum Wa Rahmetullahi Wa Barakatuh

Dear sisters

I vote no. This is our place, Muslimmomscafe. One reason i feel so comfortable here is, we are woman only. We are free to talk about anything and this freedom would gone with man amongst us. So please vote all no!

Wa Aleikum Salam Wa Rahmetullahi Wa Barakatuh

umm maryam [sis]

[ummi2mybabies]

AOA sisters ,

he had a very strange profile like he was trying to get hooked up or something like it was an islamic matrimonal site subhanAllah . i think men should not post here but who knows maybe then they will create womans names just to see what we are talking about imagine how low some ppl will go so my suggestion is sisters please please dont post pics of yourselfs here we can send those to each other in private becuase sometimes they copy the pics and post them places saying that is them and talk to women i know its disgusting but just be careful . men should not be on here but how do we stop em ?

[waterose]

this was started as a muslim mom cafe lets keep it that way. [hijabisis]

[Umm Nusaybah Hadiyah]

as salaamu alaikum,

NO! NO! NO!

I must say I intented to post some personal things on here but I definately will not if I know that some man could read it :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

Let them have a muslim dads cafe
[arabbro] [malaybro] [desibro] [sudanibro] [beardbro] [wiseshaykh]

I find that this question coming up is [b]very annoying to say the least [steamingmad] [verymad] [angry4] [furious]

Men are so Nosy! [tsktsk] [tsktsk] [tsktsk]

umm nusaybah
[hijabisis]

[Umm Nusaybah Hadiyah]

As salaamu alaikum,

How about maybe a person has to be personally invited by members already here and when the post their intro they have to give the sisters name and she has to verify that she does indeed know the person personally or via internet? Just an idea. What do you all think?

I hadn't considered a man poising as a female and that really disturbs me right now. I think we should make it some what harder to get in the group.
[crank]

umm nusaybah
[hijabisis]

[Oum Anas]

Assalamu aleikum

I am chocked this question even came up. If there are men wishing to participate in a similar forum, then there are PLENTY of fora out there to choose from, I'm sure. If not, why don't they set one up!

All fora have their own rules, their special topic and most of them exclude certain types of persona.

I was recently part of a profession specific forum, where they had quite rigid criteria, by which most people considering themselves part of the industry were prevented from joining. This ensured a much higher quality than other fora of the industry.

MuslimMomsCafe has women specific fora, I can't see why a man should be allowed here. It is haram to mix with the opposite sex, and I must say, I believe it would cause too much fitnah where we speak about such matters as we do here.

In Deen specific fora, both sexes are allowed, and that's totally understandable, we have a common ground there and we interact with Islamic adaab and to gain knowledge in our Deen. But here, we talk women issues.... there's only so much a man can understand about a woman!

I came here to have sisters to talk to, sisters who understand where I'm coming from. What stops me from discussing things with my husband?!!

[Oum Anas]

As salaamu alaikum,

How about maybe a person has to be personally invited by members already here

Sounds good. But the invitations I've seen so far have already been on women only lists or where the majority are women.


when they post their intro they have to give the sisters name and she has to verify that she does indeed know the person personally or via internet? Just an idea. What do you all think?
umm nusaybah
[hijabisis]
But this is maybe a bit too complicated?

[aishamommy]

As salaamu alaykum

I also voted No as free mixing is haraam and What we talk about here is private sadly there are some very sad brothers out there that get a kick out of stuff like that this


And the name does say Muslim MOM cafe not muslim parenting cafe

Wa Allahu Alim
Aishah

[Oum Anas]

Is this forum advertised somewhere else? Such as in a forum directory?

[muslimamom]

I say NO as well. I too wonder if the forum is advertised somewhere else where brothers would think it is for everyone? BUT, the name says it all, Muslim Moms cafe. If I was looking for a forum and saw a Dad's cafe, I wouldn't even think twice. I would keep searching. Like others have said, they can ask other woman, sisters, etc. about their questions.

I see all the points of views here and did think twice about allowing them before reading the posts, and then I started thinking myself, that is why I am here, to talk to SISTERS who I feel comfortable discussing my life with. I know people can pose as someone else, BUT there is a quota that they need to fulfill and after a while someone would question it. A man naturally does not conversate the same way a woman does, or a sister would get a feeling after a while and probably discontinue the conversation.

I see the reason the question was brought up, equal rights, BUT as muslims we know it is best NOT to interact freely with men.We feel comfortable amoungst each other here, lets keep it that way!

NO!!!!!

[UmmAhmad]

Asalamu Alaikum

InshaAllah all is good among the ladies.. I voted NO .. When I first heard about this forum I was very happy because it is just what the name says Muslim Moms ,its a comfortable place for me and I enjoy the posts and I like to comment as well.. I love it here and to add men ...honestly,it would turn me away.
Alayah

[hayoubi]

i am going to agree with the majority and vote no, it is so nice to have a forum where you can be comfortable bringing up so many issues, and i think this comfort factor would be sacrificed if men were allowed on

thanks! Huda

[ummKarim]

As salamu alaikum

I would agree with the majority of the posts, for me the beauty of this site is that it is for women, I am able to post things about myself that I would discuss with sisters and never with brothers other than my husband.

This is the reason I joined this cafe, maybe as suggested some of the brothers who want to join should think of starting up a cafe for single dads.

I would not partake in idle chit chat with a brother out in the street, about recipies, my children etc. so what makes this forum different.

You will find that a lot of sisters joint this forum because of it's name.

Anyway thats my 2 pennies worth.

I await the final outcome.

wa alaikum as salam

ummKarim

[nanny]

salam,i never expected such a question from muslim mom,s cafe.to think
men entering our ladies siteAstaufirullah.i registered here because it ladies site only and so comfotable.

[UmuTasneem]

As salaamu alaykum sisters

Noooooooooooooooooooooo men Please!

I like the idea of invitations to make sure no men entering the forum, but isn't that too late now since they might already registred as women or weird name that can't be recognized as men or women? Allaahu Alam!
May Allaah forgive us, don't know why would a man be interested in such forums when there are plenty of others exist :shock:

[umsosofatisali]

I do not want men here. Although they might learn some things, i think it feels better and more secure knowing it is only us sisters. Plus there are some things that we share that I think is only between us like the make up. I do not want other man knowing what I do to make my husband happy in the sence of make up and making my self pretty. I think that is too personal for my comfort. SO please no.

[LatifahM]

As Salaamu Alaikum Sisters,

I agree with the majority of the sisters here...I like the fact that this is the Muslim Mom's Cafe - a place where we can share and be open with other Muslim sisters. I joined the group based on the fact that it was strictly for sisters.

I vote NO!!!

Ma Salaama,
Latifah
[hijabisis]

[enesovica]

no sorry cant do it

[Halimah]

I vote no! I have never had a problem with men having their own clubs or forums, and I don't see why women can't have their own place too. I don't see it as discrimination in any way - I may anger some women by saying this (sorry!), but there ARE differences between men and women and there is nothing wrong with each having their own places to express themselves without interference from the opposite sex. No doubt, men would certainly be able to contribute in a positive manner - but there are already forums for that. The purpose of this forum was to give muslim women a place to "get together" and I think many of us joined because it was only women. I am sure that those of us that want to be part of mixed forums have already joined thsose as well. Let's keep Muslim Mom's Cafe just for us! :D

[Razzanah]

As-salamu Alikum I really like this site I want to be a regular and form a islamic friendship with everybody but if my husband found out that mean was allowed on the site he would band me from it Mashallah .Iam only allowed to be on e groups for women only so please I ask to keep on bouncing the men off please I can benifit from the forum especially the quiz and answer part i was reading it yesterday and i learned so much Mashallah . :-(

[*Noor*]

As-salaamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,

Al-hamdu lillah
I voted a resounding, emphatic NOOOOOOOOO!!!! earlier, but
I am very curious as to why all those who have voted yes, don't know, don't care, haven't posted as to why they feel this way? [idunno2] Interesting thought.

Was-salaam,
Noor [hijabisis]

[oomzainab]

I also vote no - agreeing to the fact that they can find other forums to join... but they can still get on here with a fake name , so it's not gonna matter! I really like the fact that we can just post our feelings and such, but if men are going to be able to read it... :shock:

[MommyforKenyaJihadandMary]

As salaam alaikum. There is no need for a man to be here. We are not talking about things of importance to men really and if one of us stumble on something that seems like it might benefit our husband, then surely we have the ability to share that tidbit with him. Geez...the only thing we exclusively have is our periods as if thats any fun...so no. Dont permit men to join. Its just not necessary

[REM]

Assalamu alaikum,

Sisters, I want to point out something to you all that you really need to remember.

Whilst this is a sisters only forum, it's very difficult to determine who is and isn't a woman. I mean, words on a website could be from anyone, whether they claim they are man or woman.

So if you are considering posting anything of a personal nature, I suggest you think twice about it and remember that men could indeed read your posts. If there was a special section where only people with lots of posts could post their private stuff that would be better as you are more likely to be able to work out who is male by then insha Allah.

But seriously, don't feel safe that this site will only be viewed by sisters as you never know who can be reading what you write in a public forum, where all you need is a username to read everything.

Rachel

[AyahsMom]

After all, many of us (women) do complain that our spouses are not as involved as they should be; why not allow them to be more involved?

If our husbands want to be more involved, they can feed the kids, put them to bed, do dishes, laundry, etc. When I wish for my husband to be more involved, I don't wish for him to spend his time chatting on a forum with a bunch of women.

I feel this forum is for connecting us women, sisters, and moms in a way that we wouldn't be able to otherwise due to geography and our other responsibilities. I can't believe we are even having this discussion. :o

So, short answer would be.........NO.

Jen

[tem1971]

Please NO!
Why do the brothers have to be involved in everything the sisters have. Give us a little space brothers!! [nana]

[anisah60]

Asalam alaikum Sisters,

I too have voted NO.

I believe there are enough Mens forums about, and if there are Husbands and Wives who genuinely want a mixed forum, let them set up their own.

They could call it Parents Cafe or similar.

I think if men were allowed to join (as men) discussion would be stifled and we would have some members leaving as they would be uncomfortable participating.

Wassalam

Anisah

[MuslimMomsCafe]

Salaam Aleikum Dear Sisters,

Thank you all for your deep concerns and replies. I am grateful that you all have made this place your own, MashaAllah.

When I first wrote this post, I did it out of curiousity. I have always believed this place to be a Women ONLY place. A place of comfort for all the Muslimahs. That is why I imposed strict rules. I know this is the internet and we can never know who is behind the keyboard. But after time, you get a sense of who the other person is, from their posts. That is why I told everyone they NEED to give introductions and meet the requirement posts for each month.

I wanted to make sure you all agreed with my decision and understood the reason why. That is why I asked if you think Men should be allowed. Alhumdullilah, the majority feels as I do. And my first decision stays: NO MEN WILL BE ALLOWED ON MUSLIM MOMS' CAFE! So far, we have had two incidents of men being on the borad. They were very obvious; one stated he was male and the other contacted a member (who contacted me) and told her he was male. Both were banned right away. If we do have males posing as female. They wouldnt be able to last long on the forum.

Firstly, they would have to write posts each month showing they are female with female issues. Secondly, if they are male and on this site, then they would either be here to bother the females or be nosey. If they contact a female, inshaAllah she will contact me and that would be the end of him. And if he is here to be nosey, then he would have to meet my guidelines each month, and I dont think they would care to much to do that. Which will result in their account being inactive. So as I see it, if they do pose as females, they wouldnt last here for long.

But since reading your concerns (and i have read each and evey post) I have decided to make it harder for men to enter the forum. Therefore, new members will now have to be screened before they are allowed to join. No automatic members any more. Each member who wishes to join will have to submit an introduction to me first, show me some type of confirmation that they are indeed female and then I will allow them to join. And for those members that we already have here, who haven't posted enough, will also be required to give confirmation that they are female or their account will become inactive. I will set all of this up within a few days and the rules will be posted in the Announcements Section, inshaAllah.

I think that is the best I can possibly do to make this a safe place for all. I know you all have your trust in me and I thank you for that. I made this site not so I could get the most members on the forum. I made it so it can be a comforting place for all Muslimahs. A place where we can share and talk about anything without worrying about who may be reading it. I would rather have a small community of Muslimahs here who are here to help each other and share experiences, rather than a large community of unknowns.

By the way, for those that are not aware of it, there is a Private Group section here where only those who have posted at least 100 posts will be allowed to join. I would strongly suggest that if anyone wants to talk about private matters that you ONLY do so there. You will, at least, know exactly who is reading your post.


YOU CAN REPLY TO MY DESICION HERE:

http://muslimmomscafe.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?p=3488#3488



***NOTE: Anyone who would like to help me with keeping this place safe, please contact me. It would help me alot. Thanks!********