Many of us have been in this position at one time or another. My earliest memory was of me, as a teenager, attending Islamic Weekend School. There we were, girls from all nationalities. I distinctly remember most of the girls were of Arab descent. There were some Pakistanis and a few Asians. We all had classes together and this, for me, was a great benefit because it was the only chance I had to be around other Muslim girls my age. The public school I attended hardly had Muslim girls, if any.
So, there I was, sitting in the Masjid classroom, with so many potential friends around me. I was eager to befriend them and learn more about them. I wanted to know how they coped with living in a western society while trying to maintain their identity as Muslims. I wanted to ask what they did for fun, considering there wasn't much available for a girl to do. I thought maybe we could go to each others' homes and hang out together. I would have liked to ask them so many things, but I ended up asking them not a single one. I realized quickly that all things weren't as they should be even among sistersÂť in Islam.
They let me know, at the very beginning, that everyone belonged to a group depending on where they were from. The Pakistanis associated with other Pakistanis. The Arabs associated with other Arabs and so on. This forced me to stay with my own as well. During class time we sat separately, during break time we played separately, and, even during prayer time, we prayed standing with our own groups.
I really didn't understand this. I really wanted to become good friends with them, but I never got the chance. All we ever did was a mandatory "Salaam" and"How are you?" Oh yes, we also pretended to care for each other when we unexpectedly bumped into each other, but that was about it. It never went further then that, year after year. It was an obvious reality, to the point that our teacher once commented to everyone in the class to look around and tell him what they saw. We all knew what he was talking about but ignored it because no one wanted to admit the truth. Then he suggested that as Muslims we should not be divided because of our nationalities but rather united because we are Muslims, first and foremost. He was right and I was happy someone had finally mentioned it, loud and clear. Maybe I was a bit optimistic that now things would change, but I soon realized that his words fell on deaf ears.
Here I am, a Muslim woman now, a mother in fact. Many years have passed and I now see the same problem among grown Muslim ladies. I see Arabs inviting Arabs to Masjid functions, Pakistanis inviting their own and so on. I see that apart from the formal "Salaams" there is not much to talk about and if we do it is brief. Sometimes Salaams are not given at all and sisters walk pass each other as if they do not see one another. When you ask around why this exists, they quickly point out that they stick to their own because they share the same culture. They want to associate with sisters who dress as they do, cook as they do, talk as they do, and come from the same traditions. So, it seems that culture dominates Islam in this instance.
What happened to unity as Muslims and doing things to please Allah? I mean, I know we can't get along with every single person we meet, but if we do meet someone who we believe to be a good practicing Muslimah, then should we just have formal Salaams with her and leave it at that? Why not invite her to our home, and maybe learn something from her? Should our culture and traditions stop us from doing that? It seems it has and it has been going on for a long time.
All of this made me wonder about the girls I once knew as a teenager. Why would they behave in such a way? After all, we were going to the Masjid to learn about our Deen, yet we refused to put it into practice. What made it so easy for the girls to continue on with their behavior even thought they knew it was not accepted by Islam? After looking at the sad situation the grown Muslim women have placed theirselves in, it is easy to figure it all out. Maybe the girls learned to accept what they were doing because it was so easily practiced by their own parents. These traditions that go against Islam should be frowned upon by all of us. How will our children ever grow up to realize what practicing true Islam is when they see that their parents hold on to culture more than Islam? Now I leave you with the question that we need to ask ourselves, if we treat each other this way then are we really sisters?
Thinking Muslimah February 17, 2008
